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Eighteen Days Ago!

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Eighteen days ago, I made a decision that would change my life forever. You could argue that the more important decision was made nearly 20 years before that.

When I was 17, I decided to start chewing Copenhagen. Do not ask me why. I can only guess that in some warped sense it made me feel like a man. Over the next 20 years I became an expert at hiding my disgusting habit. Deep down, I must have realized how disgusting it was. Why else would I work so hard at hiding it?

Eighteen days ago, I became a man. Not physically but emotionally. I decided it was time to teach the coward that I used to be a lesson:

• Time to face the world, like a man.
  
  
• Time to fight my toughest battle, like a man.
  
  
• Time to take responsibility for my actions, like a man.
  
  

Everyone has his or her own reasons for wanting to quit. I’d like to be altruistic and say that it was only because of my love that I have for my wife, my daughter, and the unborn daughter due in April.

While those are extremely important reasons to me, it also came down to selfishness.

My father died in November at the age of 63. He died from complications of a grade 4 Glioblastoma, which is a very aggressive brain tumor. My dad had his own addiction with nicotine. From cigarettes, to cigars, to loose leaf chew and to Skoal, he tried them all.

He quit a few years ago, but who knows if the damage had already been done. No one can ever say for sure the cause for his brain tumor, but the tobacco sure didn’t prevent it!

I don’t want that to be me. Eighteen days ago, I decided to improve my life and quit chewing that death in a tin.

Why not?

Had I not quit so many times before? Had I not put the addiction in its place over, and over? Obviously not! If so, why would I still be buying three cans every week and maintaining my secret?

I searched for help and surfed into a site called StopSmokeless.com. I saw some pictures that really opened my eyes. I read some messages from people just like me. I learned that I was not the only one with a dirty little secret. I learned that there are people who care, people who know what it feels like. I learned that there is strength in numbers.

Eighteen days ago, I set aside my usual skepticism. I downloaded a free eBook and, not realizing it at the time, I downloaded a new mindset.

What I read was enlightening. It was not enlightening because it was some mystical secret. It was not enlightening as if I had never heard it all before. It was enlightening because I had never seen it all gathered in one place before.

I set aside my tough guy façade and decided to try something new. I was going to try this program the way it was designed; 100% by the book. I decided to quit fooling myself and to be a man.

Eighteen days ago, I realized I was not ready to quit yet. I had made up my mind, but was not quite prepared. I still had quite a lot to learn about myself.

I had a plan now. It was not my plan; however, it was Zach’s plan. Zach is my savior. Not in the biblical sense, but no less a savior. Here is why:

• He created the web site.
  
  
• He wrote the eBook.
  
  
• He kept the program alive in its infancy.
  
  
• He still nurtures it today.
  
  
• He allows us to believe that we do most of the work.
  
  

If it weren’t for Zach, you wouldn’t be reading this now.

Eighteen days ago, I, a complete stranger, left a personal message in the forum section of a web site for a bunch of other strangers to see.

In doing so, this stranger found a new family. This stranger then began a journal. The family helped him to write it. The stranger had many questions and the family had the answers.

The stranger learned while the family taught. A bond was formed. The stranger became part of the family and was a stranger no more.

Eighteen days ago, I picked my quit day. It would have been my father’s sixty-fourth birthday.

Eighteen days ago, I had no idea what I had found.

Eighteen days ago, I wasn’t sure I could do it.

Eighteen days ago--seems like a lifetime.

Now, I am 4 days clean.

Orf
Member

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